Anyone that knows me, or has worked with me knows I am not a title person. I understand why they can be necessary and helpful - but I prefer a work culture that isn’t focused on climbing the ladder or gaining more authority or power. Hope Street is the very opposite of both - instead we seek humility and collaboration. We celebrate the gifting that makes each team member unique, while understanding we each play a specific role within the community. I have had many roles, or like we often say worn many hats in the now 11 years of being on staff at Hope Street. Each role creating opportunities for me to be stretched in new ways, learn new things and time and time again - come to the end of myself. An end that is always a gentle reminder that we (I) need more of Him. That we can do no good thing apart from Him, but even more than that we aren’t resting in the good when we seek to take things in our own hands. Obedience sometimes requires sacrifice, and a deeper understanding that we aren’t needed, and yet the blessing is He still makes space for us to join Him.
This past year, has been discovering that truth anew.
A year ago I took an intentional pause, a mini “sabbatical” of sorts to create time and space to pray, reflect, be curious and simply listen. Listen for what was next for myself, and the organization that I have come to know and love so much. The first part of the process was untangling where Hope Street ended...and I began. It was letting go of the expectation that I was needed, even though my presence was often wanted. It was a stripping of the parts of me that looked for affirmation in the wrong things, and in other ways escaped into the known parts of my role at Hope Street over facing the unknown parts of my role as a wife and mom.
The board was gracious in giving me this time. I was very clear going in, that I was unsure that I was who should lead Hope Street into the next season. I recall sharing that through lots of tears, and quite honestly a tremendous amount of fear that that was in fact true. I believe deeply in our mission, and have seen firsthand the healing and transformation that has taken place. I’ve experienced it in my own life, and been able to witness it time and time again through staff, volunteers and members. While it has been a place full of incredibly hard situations, it is the joy filled moments that remind us why we do what we do, the way we do it.
While I was away I met with people I trust the most. People I’ve given permission to speak into, and even guide my decision making - as I don’t always trust myself to see things clearly. For what it’s worth I highly recommend building this circle of support. Allow them to poke holes, tell you hard things, and also build you up. It’s easy to surround yourself with “yes people” who constantly tell you you’re awesome (probably for the wrong reasons) - but it’s best to surround yourself with people who can say “God made you awesome” and this is where you have gotten things wrong.
I was prepared that my crew was going to validate my inkling to step aside for whoever was next to lead. I was surprised when the opposite was true. And even more so, challenged when their responses (in separate conversations) were aligned - and would require me to in many ways look at my role differently.
In other words it was affirmed that my role as the leader of Hope Street was going to require that I allow new leadership to step in, yet - the bigger exercise was that I would have to shift how I would be doing things moving forward. The similar phrase I heard over and over was “Have you considered that this season requires you to look at your role differently?”
Up until this point I was deeply involved in the day to day operations. As we expanded into a brand new facility - doubling staff, budget, volunteers and members - I found myself stretched thin, exhausted and growing weary. I felt incapable of doing all the things I needed to do…well. But even more than that I found myself bogged down by the things I’m capable of doing, but not uniquely gifted for. My ability to be creative, vision cast and teach…were all stifled by the constant demands of fundraising, management…and quite frankly - people. I know it’s hard for others to understand, but I’m very introverted. When I haven’t had enough time to recharge - which usually means time alone, in quiet - I’m not functioning at my best.
The greatest challenge in this shift was that I was going to have to delegate, and in that delegation trust two individuals to care for spaces that I have poured my time, energy and heart into. One, our housing, a space that has become a home away from home for me, full of names and faces that have become like family. The other, an eight (at the time) year in the making space that I dreamt and prayed would come to fruition. Neither was “easy” to give up.
I was torn by the reality that neither space would need me in the ways they had, and that I had too quickly worked myself out of a job.
What I have experienced is a fresh new energy and perspective. What I have seen is two new leaders emerge and step into their own process of learning what works and doesn’t, what it means to be curious, set boundaries and empower others. I get to support them in ways I had hoped/wished for when we were still trying to find our way.
My point in sharing all of this is to invite you into what this last year has been like. I’ve always been open and honest about what it’s been like to lead. From my very first days of not knowing what I was doing…to the moments I wish I could rewrite or do over, to the moments I have seen His fruit. I’m constantly learning, allowing each new day to be an arrival and an opportunity to live inside of His grace.
I believe we all have a moment where we come face to face with the reality of our place or position within our career, family, friends…and community. Seasons come and go, and with each new era comes an opportunity to seek Him and be curious about what He is asking of you.
My new role at Hope Street ushered in a new title, a 3 letter title that if I’m honest mostly makes me cringe: CEO. It sounds too formal, too disconnected and yet - I trust and have now experienced over the last year that it is what has been needed for Hope Street, but also myself to thrive.
My hope and prayer as I continue forward is that I would always keep my ear close enough to the ground to hear His voice through His people. In the same breath, that I would lean into His wisdom and obedience as I vision cast and lead. Apart from Him I can do no good thing, and I have seen the good done in and through Hope Street - I want to continue to join Him in that.
December 4th, 2013 began my journey at Hope Street.
December 4th, 2024 that journey in many ways is just beginning. I trust that when my time is in fact up, it will be clear and a moment to celebrate - until then, I am rejoicing in the new, albeit at times challenging ways I’ve been invited in.
Thanks for 11 years Hope Street Fam!
Comments