Labeled.

“Jesus met me in my mess. It wasn’t what I was hoping for when I set out to visit the poor and the marginalized. It wasn’t what I wanted, but being loved isn’t always getting what you want, and thankfully, we serve a Savior who knows just what we need.”

• Ashley Thomas, Well Moments 

When we are labeled, it brings expectations. Trying to live up to those expectations leaves us with a never-ending to do list. 

Don’t get me wrong,I love a good to do list. They help me keep track of what I need to do, and I enjoy the reward of checking things off. I love to be productive. However sometimes lists aren’t helpful. Lists can be reminders that we have not quite measured up. Or we don’t have what we need to be successful, or in other dire situations…survive. 

In a world where advice is at the tip of our fingers, it can be hard to move through a list. Just as we start to, someone has a new, better way to accomplish something. What could become an opportunity for growth, becomes a time suck of doom scrolling - which only further reminds us what we have yet to accomplish or that we simply don’t measure up. 

Whether we like it or not, we have been labeled. Whether we ascribe to those labels or not, is our choice, but no less an uphill battle for others' perceived expectations. 

Working in a nonprofit or any entity that seeks to help people comes with a natural propensity towards labeling people. There are those who serve, and those who need to be served. Well intentioned people step in, and “needy” people come looking for help. Depending on the social service you know what the people receiving services are battling. In other words, you know the label - whether it’s addict, homeless, formerly incarcerated...the list goes on. With this knowledge in mind, people often begin calculating what each person needs. Too often poverty renders people faceless, strips an individual of their name, and rarely leaves time or space for a story to be heard - one thing is clear, there is a need and it needs to be met. While the latter is true, how do we do that well? How do we honor the image bearer in front of us, and be the hands and feet of Jesus? 

While I still have work to do, I have found these practices have helped me see each person in front of me as God intended, and therefore been able to give and receive support as I step into the spaces He has called me to: 

1. Be curious. Consider what you don’t know. Our culture thrives on being the expert. People not only want to excel in their area of expertise, they want others to know they are competent. To go a step further they revel in the audience that applauds and looks to them for advice. If you don’t believe me - why are influencers a thing? People are making money, and ascribe popularity based on their ability to attract followers, and in turn get those followers to buy in. This doesn’t leave space for curiosity. It accepts the notion that someone else has done the research, put the work in and now we benefit from what they have figured out. This is the case for any area - whether it is the latest health fad, attire, cleaning supply, parenting…30 second reels have made information not only accessible but palatable and in the process obliterated our desire for curiosity. Suddenly we have become mini experts, because now the algorithm continues to bombard us with more information that backs up the content we devoured. It’s a never ending cycle, and it’s destroying our ability to support others well. Being curious takes time. It sees each person as a blank slate, and begs you to do the research - ask the questions, listen to learn instead of listening to respond. It desires the story, because it knows that is where healing comes from - an honoring of what has happened in order to understand the barriers and obstacles for moving forward. Being curious asks, what was that like for you? How do you want to move forward from here? If you’re not ready to move, how can I support you where you are? It honors there is a process, and invites us to consider our part in that journey. 

2. Ask open ended questions. People can tell when you are leading a conversation towards a point you want to make. How often have you found yourself in a conversation where you left space to just simply get to know someone better? A conversation where the agenda gets left at the door, and instead you build your understanding of humanity. What makes us human? Why do we show up in the spaces we do? What are we struggling through? Happy about? Working towards? We are so used to people having a reason for being in connection with us - that we miss out on the gift of knowing and being known by others. Consider what it looks like to ask the question, and allow the conversation to go where it goes. 

3. Build a bridge. Honor someone else’s perspective. and consider what collaboration can look like. Winning an argument attempts to pull people to one side versus understanding we may think differently, and arrive at a different conclusion - this can simply allow us to better understand why we think what we do. Opposing viewpoints are needed at the table. It reminds us that different life experiences, and backgrounds may not come to the same conclusion as us. It eliminates blind spots - and doesn’t leave anyone behind. I will never forget being in a theology class at Madison, and one of the students arguing that Jesus could have been a woman, or an animal. If I am honest, I was completely annoyed. I believed she was wrong, and the idea seemed so ludicrous that it didn’t deserve my time and attention. At that moment I burned the bridge. I cared less about creating an opportunity to both learn and grow - as well as invite someone in, and most about being right. What I eventually gained was the opportunity to better articulate what I believe and why. It is so easy to be offended and put off, but each conversation can create space for us to better understand others, and consider how we can collaborate, even and especially with opposing viewpoints. 

When I walked through the doors of Hope Street I had a good idea of how I was going to help people. I knew (thought I knew) what people recovering from addiction, out of homelessness and other areas of brokenness needed. I learned what they needed most was for me to see my own need, and understand it could be met in the other. My propensity towards labeling others, left me with the least helpful label, “fixer”. Whether the labels we ascribe to are positive or negative - they leave us with a list of expectations that often are hard to live up to. Even more than that they get in the way of us truly being able to see someone, being able to understand someone’s heart and motivation. 

It is easy to construct a list. To be aware of all that needs to be done - and yet, our Savior simply invites us to accept His invitation, and be. His label removes the heavy burden. It invites us into the rest our soul craves, and simply encourages us to be held. His BEloved. 

You can listen to the podcast on this chapter here, and to read my story you can purchase Well Moments here. Enjoy this story? Would you consider sharing it with a friend?