I Wish I Could Stop Time

I wish I could stop time.

If I could stop time I would:

Go back to when my baby brother would wake up from a nap, stuffed puppy in hand and instantly long to be snuggled. He would wrap his little arms around me and for a moment everything in the world was right.

Savor being a kid and not wish to be an adult so bad.

Ask my friends how they are really doing and not just settle with the quick and easy response.

Leave work at work and not worry that I will never get it all done. Because I probably won’t.

I could go on, but it would eventually tumble into the list of things I am afraid won’t happen because the clock keeps ticking.

Reality is I can’t stop time. I’m sure if I could the reward wouldn’t be as great as I imagine. What I can do is be better about taking each moment and savoring it for what it is, a gift. Celebrating that like all things that have life, its best that they don’t remain stagnant but in fact grow and move beyond what we once knew.

Time reminds us that there is purpose beyond today. That what we have been placed here for isn’t finished. We have more time to love, be present, forgive, try new things, make new friends and cherish old ones. Time is the rhythmic ticking of life’s heartbeat. Moving from one moment to the next, cognizant of the last, but not held back by the previous tic. Yet, with each new rhythmic tone comes more possibility. If we aren’t careful, we will miss out. In the same breath that I wish for more time, I’ve wasted time. I’ve held onto things that were meant to bring me joy, but also meant to be left in their perfect time. Not because something better is ahead, but because something is in fact ahead. So do I want to experience it or lose it?

I’m 29 years old; in 8 months, 11 days, 15 hours and several seconds....it will be my 30th birthday. There are about 1 million things (not an overachiever) I want to do before the clock tics midnight on that day. Instead of attempting to control what will happen, I’m going to take the next, 1, 2, 3 seconds to see the candle burning, hear my favorite song, and snuggle into my favorite blanket. There’s lots of life left to live - my timetable doesn’t have to play out perfectly in order for it to be enjoyed.

Time isn’t stopping but my attempt to make it stop is.